Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
