he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize