we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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