Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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