New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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