I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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