We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
