i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
