i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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