I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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