our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
