3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
