Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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