I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
