All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
