While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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