now i know why i became what i already was.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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