Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
