If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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