Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
