Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh god it's open bar.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
