i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
