oh god the rape fog is back!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
