When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
