Are we in a gay sports bar?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
