Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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