Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
