do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
