i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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