I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
