I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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