You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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