Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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