Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Bring me that man meat
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
