That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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