sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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