Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
tell me about the eggs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
