Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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