i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
