She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize