your parents love me but you hate me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My cat gives me a boner
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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