So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
