My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
