And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Randomize
