kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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