i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
