I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This baby is an asshole
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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