Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
