did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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