Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
