she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize