I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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