i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
