absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
3pm strippers are depressing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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