you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
