I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
