Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
