My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
