i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
