nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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