My friends, they love my intelligence
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
