I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
