i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
