You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
