im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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