my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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