the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
