Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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