I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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