i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How naked do you want me to be?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize